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11.03.2021

Damn It

I’m so sad today
Looks like I’ve lost you
A dagger in my back and there, your hand,
That’s how I picture it now
 
This flame burns and won’t go out
It won’t kill you
Yet it brings you down
The ambition that drives you further along the path
But won’t bring you back, alas, dries out
 
I won’t say no, don’t do it anymore
These words of mine bleed
It was never said
But we loved each other, it was no dream
 
I was hurt
All my animals hunted down
Roads no longer serve me
The flowers in my mouth I thrust them into darkness
That’s no lie
 
A lie... a lie...
 
I cry
All my gold leaf now deceived
I am the darkness that does not dawn
I understand, this love is beyond your depth
But that won’t heal my wound
 
16.10.2020

NOVICE

Ah, I curse my fate again
Oh my lover with the blackened eyelashes
Are you the healer, am I the sick one?
Come embrace me, embrace me, I said, heal me now
 
Many paths pass through my heart
Yet my heart itself is the path
Many paths pass through my heart
Move aside so I can walk on
 
I may seem a novice
Love is my flower
I am not yet in bloom
When I bloom then I will reach ecstasy
 
I may seem a novice
Love is my flower
I am not yet in bloom
Then I will abandon myself
 
Beautiful was I, and they made me cry
Be said God, be said He, be said He
The burden of being weighs down on my head
And I haven’t died, I haven’t died, I haven’t died, God is witness
 
Many paths pass through my heart
Yet my heart itself is the path
Many paths pass through my heart
Move aside so I can walk on
 
I may seem a novice
Love is my flower
I am not yet in bloom
When I bloom then I will reach ecstasy
 
I may seem a novice
Love is my flower
I am not yet in bloom
Cover me my truth
 
17.06.2020

Where?

Do not blow through my chest, o wind, old love stories are in my memory.
You said s/he would return, where is s/he? I am not myself anymore.
 
Where where where is s/he? Where is my naughty, my dear?
Where where where is s/he? How can you stay with strangers*?
 
Where where where is s/he? Where is my betrayer, my dear?
Where where where is s/he? How can you sleep with strangers?
 
Longing is an old country, it is growing every minute
You will not come by, where? We were hand to hand** now we became strangers
 
Where where where is s/he? Where is my naughty, my dear?
Where where where is s/he? How can you stay with strangers?
 
Birds that fly out of my chest, mountains and rocks, tell me
You said s/he would return, where is s/he? I do not know the night from day anymore
 
Longing is an old country, it is growing every minute
You will not come by, where? We were hand to hand now we became strangers
 
Where where where is s/he? Where is my naughty, my dear?
Where where where is s/he? How can you stay with strangers?
 
Where where where is s/he? Where is my betrayer, my dear?
Where where where is s/he? How can you sleep with strangers?
 
* 'El' here means others.
** wordplay, 'el' means both hand, and stranger
 
25.11.2018

You're not

O, sky, the night and the sun, beyond the stars
Love cauterizes me deeply and finely
As if poisons leaked from your eyes to my heart
Inside my skin, my spirit has caught, fire fell in each of my mites
 
If love is freedom, what is the meaning of this captivity?
My heart has made me your prisoner
Your look, your smile were the death
 
You're not reward, you're not punishment
You're all mine, loneliness
You're not sin, you're not shame
You're not forbidden, separation
 
You're not far, you're not close
Where are you, o, happiness
I've got stuck on all of you
Love forgot me, I forgot love
 
The prices of longing and hatred have been paid
The reasons of sin and good deeds have been given
Love is like a runaway who disguises in my heart
Its place is neverending, unfathomable
 
27.10.2018

Horrow

I can’t smother this fire, it’s burning me to ashes
speak out, heart I can’t bear the pain
 
don’t ask the thorn who knows my rose
no better than me
hardship is learned through hardship
the frost is gone, don’t bring it back
 
don’t ask the thorn who knows my rose
no better than me
light a cig, light up
and keep it alight
(let’s walk away)
 
the more I dig, the deeper the hollow in my heart
the longer the letter, the more I pierce the paper
my sense of self is gone, I’m tied up in knots, there’s no one to untie me
even if I get free, will I be able to see?
 
they roared and roared
they broke my fledgling wings
speak out, heart
I can’t stay here anymore
 
27.10.2018

Pink

flowers spill from my pockets
flowers I couldn’t give you
or put somewhere
 
while ranting about the weight of the past
I couldn’t come to you
couldn’t get anywhere
 
softly silent
does the sailboat crave water?
the sea lies ahead, it can’t see ahead
it’s still early
 
has spring begun, so pink
come to me or not, I still love you
what do you care if I’m on fire? I’m not afraid
don’t you be afraid either
 
with a single word you shattered my shell
I can’t get over it
I can’t get enough of you
 
these hands will hold each other one day
come, let’s wait
come, let’s believe it
 
27.10.2018

Perfection

there was a path most beautiful
and I gazed at it as if I understood
 
my wretched heart didn’t learn, I withered
I had no use for those who couldn’t bring me out of myself
 
searching and searching for perfection
my sorry ship ran aground
 
I thought beauty could be forced
I wanted to be loved
 
my wretched heart didn’t learn, I withered
I didn’t blossom for those who couldn’t bring me out of myself
 
searching and searching for perfection
my sorry ship ran aground
 
27.10.2018

Prayers Change

you smile at me from your bite marks
in this terrible forest of metal, concrete and asphalt
I’ve had enough of these sounds, too
of these cages on our path
come, even if you do not understand
let us shed our cover
 
come, embrace me one last time
I’m not asking for more
distant sentences, my tongue defeated
but we get used to it in the end
prayers change.
we can embrace, and perhaps write a song of its burden
 
come, embrace me one last time
I’m not asking for more
distant sentences, my tongue defeated
but we get used to it in the end
prayers change.
we can embrace, and perhaps write a song of its burden
 
come, embrace me one last time
I’m not asking for more
distant sentences, my tongue defeated
but we get used to it in the end
prayers change.
we can embrace, and perhaps write a song of its burden
 
27.10.2018

Stranger

my nectar mingled with the desert sand
my mountain crumbled
and I fell apart, fell apart
in bed with my secret
in the sea I found
I drowned, ah, I drowned
 
I don’t want any more grief
what have I done to myself
may my mother cry
the rest is a lie
where now is the stranger I love
 
now another
now another holds your hand
and now another
now another whispers you into my heart
 
okay, I get it, it’s all about my wound
it wasn’t you I cursed, it really wasn’t
is it always back to square one if you don’t learn
I was shot by the bullet I know
 
I don’t want any more grief
what have I done to myself
may my mother cry
the rest is a lie
where now is the stranger I love
 
now another
now another holds your hand
and now another
now another whispers you into my heart
 
27.10.2018

Chasing The Stars

hiding behind a fake poster
and asking borders about myself
was never my thing
 
when it was my time to burn
as the fortunetellers said
I burned as much as I could
I matured, but it wasn’t easy
 
start stripping with me
take off your skin, strip for purification
fears are no longer our concern
give me your hand and touch, all over again
 
start, strip with me, Maya
take off your skin, purify yourself, Maya
fears are no longer our concern
give me your hand, and touch me, again, Maya
 
chasing after stars!
chasing after stars!
don’t wear yourself out, chasing after stars!
 
who said it was harmful
ask me if I regret it
no, never, I was never ashamed
of loving them
 
when it was my time to burn
as the fortunetellers said
I burned as much as I could
I matured, but it wasn’t easy
 
start stripping with me
take off your skin, strip for purification
fears are no longer our concern
give me your hand and touch, all over again
 
start, strip with me, Maya
take off your skin, purify yourself, Maya
fears are no longer our concern
give me your hand, and touch me, again, Maya
 
chasing after stars!
chasing after stars!
don’t wear yourself out, chasing after stars!
 
zeki sezen ajda tarkan
barış aysel müjde türkan
they touched the sky
so who’s afraid of stars
 
I flew and I flew, and I opened
every door as far as I flew
I took the confused pill of fame
from poets and I swallowed it
 
27.10.2018

Pain In My Heart

when my blind darkness opens up
and the thorns in the slums giggle
a secret slips, crying, from your lips
life stops and the universe grows between us
 
I’m left staring at your blonde hair, I leave
I can’t know your pain, but I still love you, I love you
I’m a poor traveller across your desert, pain in my heart
I sleep as I curse my inn-keeper, I curse
 
love becomes the nightingale,
but this, this is not that rose
 
which eye, so far, has seen the right without a struggle
the day dawns, however dark it may be
how can I become we if I don’t seek myself
this is love, the wise know, if you dare to seek it
 
I’m left staring at your blonde hair, I leave
I have no idea of the pain it will cause, and I love, I love
I’m a poor traveller across your desert, pain in my heart
I sleep as I curse my inn-keeper, I curse
 
love becomes the nightingale,
but this, this is not that rose
 
18.07.2018

Crimson On My Handkerchief

there’s crimson on my handkerchief
did you not see my tears
I burned up, I blazed, beloved
if you’d brought water, would I still be on fire?
 
oh, how numbered days fly by
this burden must be borne
written words remain, spoken words take wing
may my heart lament
 
give back, give back
my dreams
reality is agony
 
can my heart endure not seeing
its desire
let it see again and again
 
hyacinth petals in my handkerchief
my soul aches, the nightingale weeps
who can bear to be apart from their beloved
the nightingale’s solace is the rose
 
oh, how numbered days fly by
this burden must be borne
written words remain, spoken words take wing
may my heart lament
 
give back, give back
my dreams
reality is agony
 
can my heart endure not seeing
its desire
let it see again and again
 
18.07.2018

Your Colored Hair

when your colored hair winds around my soul strand by strand
I’m strangled, there’s no cure, come quick
 
tangles in the arms of my heart
can’t they be unraveled?
its anguish holds the answer
but those eyes aren't looking
 
every ambiguity becomes a storm and leaves a scar
 
you didn’t see my tears
your shoulder wasn’t there for me
either hear my protest
or leave me to suffer alone
 
I couldn’t give enough
I couldn’t satisfy
I couldn’t see it through
I offered up my life in your honor
but couldn’t do it
 
that cigarette smolders, I’m tired of suffering
who could love a flower that despises its own stem?
 
tangles in the arms of my heart
can’t they be unraveled?
its anguish holds the answer
but those eyes aren't looking
 
my heart knows
the longer the hunt, the more elusive the hunted
 
18.07.2018

Oh, Darling

so upset with you
my emotions churning
despising even myself
demons and mind at war
 
if you feel, then spit it out
will you drive me from house and home?
if it doesn’t flow, then I’m done
and gone without a trace
 
I’m only human, darling
my saz strings are made of clay
if only you’d lead me astray
you have no idea how we’re going up in flames
 
love me, love me not
where’s the passion?
is the scale always tipped in your favor?
even though you squander
 
if you feel, then spit it out
will you drive me from house and home?
if it doesn’t flow, then I’m done
and gone without a trace
 
I’m only human, darling
my saz strings are made of clay
if only you’d lead me astray
you have no idea how we’re going up in flames
 
18.07.2018

Waiting For My Father

tell me, years which one of us is tired
youth, a lock of hair on my forehead, don’t pull it out, please
I asked for no one’s permission and soon understood
love is already an ointment on my lips healing me if I can find it in myself
 
who else to lose to
but the wine glass in my hand?
father, if the heart won’t sober up
a blood blister grows within, my life stunned
 
this is a wound no doubt, without love
it crawls towards the heart, if it’s not stroked
I fell asleep at window ledges
 
16.07.2018

Not a Blonde Anymore

Ah, I gasped for breath, the rain hasn't stopped
Look, even blonde is not a blonde anymore
Even it burns deep, it does not stay with me
Its pain turns into a something else.
 
I used to learn from the patience of a stone
The walls of my heart is collapsing, one by one
 
My love wine, my sweet rose
Did you bloom thorns on my own branch, for me?
You smile and my head spins,
Why did you shoot my cinders, shame on you
 
Please don't fade away, don't fade away
 
I searched so long and I found late, and lost you in no time,
Whenas it had a mean, allow me to see it
Even it burns deep, it does not stay with me
Its pain turns into a something else
 
My love wine, my sweet rose
Did you bloom thorns on my own branch, for me?
You smile and my head spins,
Why did you shoot my cinders, shame on you
 
Please don't fade away, don't fade away
 
Nothin', but blue skies from now on.
12.07.2018

I'm Traveling, It's The World, You Know

Versions: #2
Burry your anger at your heart
Roots of a tree are the basis (weigher of a book is the basis)
Grab your fight and fate, come here
I'm sick and tired
 
you smacked a slap at the dawn
Pen of the clerk is in the cage
My vein's cracked he was surprised*
I got ashamed
 
While you were standing in front of the winds
That heart of yours doesnt know about mercy
When brothership is howlinggin the streets
Are you surprised? What does forbidden mean, boy?
 
I wish I would burn from your hands
I wish I would wake up in poison
Cores cannot be selled
There is sun, right ahead
 
'Rip your epaulets, run from your people!
Come on, get out of the houses
From metal towers, and basements
Get out from shelters with dome, barracks with wire nets
Break the white glass, hear the song of the tree, see under the mountain, pass over it
Command, instantly, move all the rocks from the road
Let the world be level crossing
 
Rip their heart, give them to the arms of the cogwheel** at age seven
Then let them shout around it 'çark to left'***
But no, there's nothing anymore
But your soul is bonded
But your wings used to burn for flying
But we want, we need the secret of this universe
 
Maestro, we grow flowers in out mouths
You'll see if we open, you'll see if we open'
 
muvaffakiyetsizleştiricileştiremeyebileceklerimizdenmişsinizcesine
10.07.2018

I'm on the Storm

The game doesn't end, the game doesn't end if it gets angry.
My blood is on the floor, what's good of winning?
I'm on the storm, I'm on a storm.
The thing that I saw with my eyes is not the same thing my heart know.
You're not alone, you're not wrong, don't be ashamed.
It's your dream, go figure.
I'm on the storm, I'm on a storm.
The thing that I saw with my eyes is not the same thing my heart know.
 
Do not hit them, the very young boys.
These is that gaffer's, world's lies.
Look at me see yourself, it is what it is a main thing
Such a love them that all the fears should be wear away.
 
This fight need to come to an end, seperation need to come to an end.
This war need to come to an end, need to turn to the start.
 
Nothin', but blue skies from now on.