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This song isn't sad

Silence is gold, but what is speech?
The end of ends is coming, so only words count
Sometimes I think I would've gave up a lot just not to be myself
And where there's lack of words, thoughts multiply
 
This song isn't sad, it's just angry
Because again it turned out that I don't know myself
Returning home, returning to hell
I thought I was living alone, but I'm not
 
They choose vodka and blow, I choose my ego and darkness
Why the hell would I need drugs? I have paranoia and darkness
One day all this and this fucking year will come to an end
They choose vodka and blow, I choose my ego and darkness
 
I overthink things so often, it became my hobby
It's a bit hazy in my head, how can I be smart?
I talk first, think later, burn the bridges
Then I burn joints to silence voices in my head
It's a mess and chaos in there
And though I'm not at standstill, trust me, it's not any better
I'm still young, but I've learned a couple of lessons already
And I'm in no rush anymore
 
Sometimes I think I would've gave up a lot just not to be myself
And where there's lack of words, thoughts multiply
 
They choose vodka and blow, I choose my ego and darkness
Why the hell would I need drugs? I have paranoia and darkness
One day all this and this fucking year will come to an end
They choose vodka and blow, I choose my ego and darkness