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Slack off mom

Oh Mother, on every woman
you always find a bad flaw
and that's why you don't want any
to be your daughter in law.
I used to have many women
but now they're getting away
cause I listen to you so much
about the flaws that you say
 
You say of Mary that she is scary
and about Carrie that she is wary
and about Jean that she's too clean
of Kathleen that she's too mean
 
You say of Nancy that she is fancy
and about Ellen that she's a fellon
and about Kim that she's too slim
and about Kelly that she is smelly
 
You say of Alice that she is callous
and about Julie that she is drooly
and about Shirley that she is curly
and about Joan that she is too grown
 
You say of Rose she has a big nose
and about Judy that she's too moody
and about Tammy that she is clammy
and about Jane that she's too vain
 
You say of Lori that she is hoary
You say of Bonnie that she is scrawny
You say of Ruby that she is booby
You say of Peggy that she is leggy
 
And neither Karen and neither Sharon
neither Teresa neither Melissa
neither Christine and neither Pauline
and neither Dorothy are really worthy
Slack off mom!
 

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Licky and Lickme

Licky and Lickme are good friends,
That's why they're always together,
They work without complaints
Licky at the day and Lickme at night
 
They went to a prestigious hotel,
But there was only one bed,
'let's see if you sort it out' said the maid
Licky on the floor and Lickme on the bed
 
Licky and Lickme made a stew,
Licky brought potatos and Lickme the sausage
 
They took everything from a chestnut tree
Licky some branches and Lickme the nuts
 
And this is the end of the story
of two friends Licky and Lickme.
 

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My three neighbours

I have three neighbours, three sisters, three sisters
and for them my heart goes out of its way
Chita, the prettiest, what a doll
Chona so charming, she's an angel
Chuda the brawniest, she's so cool
with Chita, with Chona, with Chuda, 1
with one of them I'll get married.
 
when I date with Chita I say a thousand words of love
and if I date with Chona my heart makes believe
but if I'm with Chona, she shelters in my passion
with Chita, with Chona, with Chuda,
with one of them I'll get married.
with Chita, with Chona, with Chuda,
and my decision delays.
 

• 1. sound the same as 'conchita, conchona, conchuda' (little cunt, big cunt, huge cunt)

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A chubby flea

The flea is a specimen
that is catched everywhere
and always use to sting
where you can't scratch
 
Maria was stung
by a chubby flea
and she spent the night
scratching her spot
 
What a spot did to Maria
that damned chubby flea
he stung her in a relevant place
and she can't put on disinfectant
 
Poor Maria she's scared
because the spot became too red
she scratches so much the poor one
and the more she scratches the more it itches
 
Maria's husband
brought her some powders
and happily he explained
it would kill the fleas
 
Bur she said 'I don't know
if it's so easy to tame it
I'm amazed Jose
that a powder can kill it'
 
And everything ended
with an eloquent final
with a powder he put in her
both slept peacefully
 

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Fou you to think a while

The human being, sirs
is owner of a hole,
some have it big
there are medium-sized and little.
Some have it hairy
others have it hairless,
there are those who make it bigger
of putting their fingers on it.
 
It's an important place
that it's always so dark,
what inside is very soft
outside is hard.
In Lucia's one broke out
a painful zit,
she scratched so much
and left it without hair
 
Mrs Cata happily
told that Mr Juanito
using some drops
opened up the hole.
To the ill willed
I leave you a happy endind,
the hole is found
well placed in the nose.
 

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How pretty gets the field

It seems it's going to rain 1
it started now, it started now. 2
It seems it's going to rain
it started now, it started now.
 
How pretty gets the field
when the rain wets it
the soil will be soft
to bury the onion.
 
It seems it's going to rain
it started now, it started now.
 
So sang Mr Paco Peco
because he had his field dry.
'Long live the rain' he shouted happy
because for a long time it wasn't wet
his long leather strip was hard
always by lack of soaking
but in the way the rain was coming
surely it would get softer.
It seems it's going to rain
it started now, it started now.
 
How pretty gets the field
when the rain wets it
the soil will be soft
to bury the onion.
 
It seems it's going to rain
with downpours, with downpours. 3
 

• 1. 'llover-gar' is a made up word using the word 'llover' (rain) and adding the suffix 'gar' to say 'verga' (slang for penis)
• 2. in 'largo ya' is hidden the word 'argolla' (iron ring, also a slang for vagina)
• 3. in 'con chaparrones' is hidden the word 'concha' (another slang for vagina)

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My girlfriend is called Queca

My girlfriend is called Queca
and Gada is her last name
pronouncing it non-stop
I think is a hassle 1
but what irritates me
and increases my misfortune
is my last name Verdura
imagine the joke
of calling herself married
Queca Gada de Verdura 2
 
I'm seeing a lawyer
who's leaving me broke
to fix this thing
of bad thought names
I have a kilo wasted
in lots of papers
and this idiotic doctor
wants to call me Tocino
and to call my wife
Queca Gada de Tocino 3
 
I changed my last name again
and we broke the engagement
but soon luck wanted
to fall in love again
and without asking anything
I married like a stupid
and the patience explodes me
because my wife is now
the sweet and beautiful Mrs
Conche Tina de Ricota 4
 

• 1. 'Que cagada' means 'what a crappy'
• 2. 'What a crappy vegetable'
• 3. 'What a crappy bacon'
• 4. 'Cunt of Ricota'

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Pancrasia's cough

For coughing a lot Pancrasia
went to the doctor with her mom
and after checking her out
he started to ask
 
- Mistress. does your daughter spit?
When and where please.
- Only at night
and in the bed, doctor.
 
- Take out the tongue girl,
Pancrasia showed it.
- She has it very dirty
because of the heat
 
- We gotta take the measures!
Said the mother next
- A very long measure
that she can handle
 
Pancrasia followed the advice
and the fever didn't get lower.
At night she was hot
and never ended being it.
 
The disease became bigger
in her woman body
Now she spits in the night
and also in the morning!
 

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The spot of your sister

Yesterday doing custody,
I had a complex case
you came with your sister,
and I was left puzzled,
and I was left puzzled,
and I was left puzzled,
and I was left puzzled,
and I was left puzzled.
 
I started to check her out,
I did it with good will
and there I found out,
the spot of your sister.
The spot of your sister,
the spot of your sister,
the spot of your sister,
the spot of your sister.
 
Everyone wants to look at
the spot of your sister.
Look how gets bigger
the spot of your sister.
We must cure
the spot of your sister.
Everyone wants to look at
the spot of your sister.
 

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Long live work

Work, work, work
Is an advice I want to give you
 
My father worked a lot
and now he's retired,
as he worked so much
honestly, I'm tired.
 
Work is health
and dignifies us all,
I don't doubt it dignifies
but it's prejudicial to me.
 
As I have no job
and I didn't learn to do anything
the day I get married,
may my wife works.
 
When they offer me a job
sincerily, I tell them:
the first thing I do,
is recommending a friend.
 
We should reform
the calendary, sir,
and let all the year to be
labour day.
 

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Gift

Today's your birthday dear mother
today's your birthday, I want to sing to you
this song born here in my chest
full of adoration, faith and hope.
 
Today's your birthday dear mother
that's why I bring you my white flowers
flowers I went picking by the road
going down the mountain this morning.
 
Mom, I come from far away
to bring you my gift
I'm a dreamer and I have
kisses flowers and songs.
 
Kisses, to your holy forehead
flowers, to adorn your grey hair,
and I bring my songs
to cheer your soul up.
 

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The injection

A girl told me
she suffered of the heart
for me to cure her disease
I prescribed her an injection.
 
She said 'who'll put it on me?'
with great worry
and I said 'girl,
I'll put it in you'
 
When I stuck the needle in her
she started to complain
I said 'don't move
or you'll break it'
 
The older sister came
and said 'what did I saw?
before the girl suffers
please stick the needle in me'
 
The father was listening
and shouted 'what have you done?'
I talked to him so much
and I stuck it in him too
 
The big brother came
his name was Ramon
I stuck it on him already
because he was a fairy
 

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There's a peculiar noise

There's a peculiar noise,
(I said peculiar and I don't stop)1
That in secret slips
and though it doesn't sympathizes us
because of moral reasons,
its musical variety
causes laughter to anyone.
 
Sometimes is like a trill,
other times is like a moan,
and sometimes is so violent
what when it comes out it rips
according to who executes
and also the instrument.
 
If that musical note,
is made by some old woman,
is no sigh nor moan,
is more like a burp,
that when it leaves its pipe
it gets lost without a trace.
 
But if she's strong and fat
and eats lots of beans,
it seems the fuss
of their musical notes like
a thousand fireworks,
with sounds of broken glasses.
 

• 1. A similar term is 'pa culiar' which means 'for having anal sex'

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The dentures

Diana has three teeth
and when she eats beans
they get away on one side
or they scape on the other
 
And the mother told her
it was natural
'Your dad has them all
and they scape anyway
 
I told you many times
and you don't want to understand
that until they don't put it in you
you won't solve it'
 
They put it in her completely
they done her a good job
but the lower part
is all wrecked
 
The friends told her
it was no test
and she had to bear it
until she had callus
 
And now very happy
says so smiley
that she suffered a lot at first
but now she doesn't feel it
 

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Story of a piece of pizza

He was eating pizza
at his girlfriend house
she took of his piece
and that's how the story started
 
Her mother who was twangy
reproaching her daughter
said 'don't be piggish
that there's too much pizza'
 
'What a piece of pizza her boyfriend gave her
I don't know how she could swallow it all
it was a piece that weighed a pound
the girl let a sight loose by seeing it'
 
And looking at the eyes
the girlfriend said to the boyfriend
'I ate it so gladly
that it seemed small'
 
And the mother yelled
'Don't be fanciful
How you don't get sick
if you're all day eating pizza'
 

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Story of a tie

Since the day he saw it
he thought it would be his
'until I don't put it on
I won't stop' he said
 
The day came and he put it on
what a bitter delusion
so sadly he said
'I thought it was longer'
 
Though he still likes it
if it's short he doesn't mind
because the prettiest part
is very thick
 
The years went passing
and after using it so much
the weary poor one
became wrinkled
 
Yesterday for the last time
he tried to use it and dhe couldn't
because that old tie
got broke when doing the knot
 

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At the butcher shop

-Good morning butcher,
you look so arrogant
-Maybe because my eyes
are staring at you
 
-It's a lie or am I polite
like every butcher
-With what I got in front
you force me to be honest
 
-Give me a kilo of tri-tip beef
but not a very stiff one
-You won't feel it woman
you can be sure of that
 
-Of what I'm really sure
is that you well place it
-Everyone say it's stiff
but they all eat it
 
-I'd like to do milanesas
burn excess of flesh by the way
-How do you prefere them? Thick
or you want all the piece?
 
-Don't be so exaggerated
I can't put on all that
-You take it well placed
it has no fat nor bone.
 

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Cuchi Cuchi

Cuchi Cuchi over here
Cuchi Cuchi over there
How are you cuchi cuchi going
I'm cuchi cuchá
 
I had a skinny dog
that barely walked
a female dog came around
and he had his chance
 
For what we have a navel
Enriqueta asked me
is to collect the fluff
the shirt lets loose
 
I like the beans
but I can't eat them
I have bellyaches
and I feel like falling to the floor
 
Four boyfriends loved her
Ernestina didn't marry
she had memories of everything
the greatest already walks
 

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The little black bird

Since I was little
I have a little black bird
identical to my dad's
similar to my grandpa's
 
That thrush of my grandpa
my grandma used to say
'it sang everyday
now it no longer sings
sometimes in the summer
wants to tune a melody
but it silences already
because it doesn't have the voice'
 
Mrs Juana complained
about his husband Mr Tomas
because she says that to other cage
he takes the bird to sing
and when he brings it back
and she wants to listen it
she finds it very apathetic
and with lack of will.
 
With mine there are no issues
it likes to work
wherever they ask it
it always starts singing
if my girlfriend asks it
it sings with passion
and when I'm alone
I make it sing for me
 

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